Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
