Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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