Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
