It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How external is "for external use only"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
