fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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