I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
