Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
