I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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