Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
