Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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