sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your cock deserves a montage
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
