this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
