Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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