Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
