i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
