I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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