i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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