She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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