You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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