i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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