Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize