I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
