Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
