my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google imaged poop.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize