I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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