Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
