Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
