I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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