Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
