I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
