I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
