Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
