If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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