I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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