eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
