Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
