i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
