Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
