Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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