I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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