he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
