Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
