I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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