these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
