Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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