I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
