god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
