and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They took my balls.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
