She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
