hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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