Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
