i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
