he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
