I heard we made out
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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