Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
