he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
