Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
