You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
