i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
