Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
