But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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