just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
