stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
