Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
