Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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