I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
