Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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