he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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