It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
