walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
