Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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