i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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