You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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