the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
