HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just invented taco cereal.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
