we're chasing vodka with high fives
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
