Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
