i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
