No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
