D3 body, D1 cock
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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