life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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