Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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